One last time

Being back here makes me having a mixed feeling. It's good and it's bad. Good as in I'm back doing something I loved and enjoyed in the past and bad as in it outcasts me somehow in a way.

This camp brings back hell lot of memories, mostly the good ones. I mean it, seriously. If it's not that good then I wouldn't continue joining it in 2002, 2003 and 2004, and later help in 2005 and 2007. I know it's 2011 now, 10 years since I participated in the first camp (and count that as 1) but these feeling has never change. I love it, I enjoy it, I learn a lot from it, I know people, etc. 

But something happens in 2007 that changes everything. I don't know the exact reason for that but it seems I become the bad boy. And again, seriously. I can see their expression towards me, I can hear their tone talking to me, I can sense those hidden meaning behind those words. Call me sensitive or whatever but don't tell me it means nothing. I mean, those words and looks were like a slap in my face indirectly.

I understand if you blame me for not doing a good job nor mess up the all important agenda of the camp but then again nothing went wrong. And in fact, I managed to better the idea of the all new programme outdoor activities (due to lack of budget for the usual outdoor trip) and everyone loved it. I admit I did not use any of ideas proposed but mine but at least I did ask a few people about it, and they loved it, and most importantly it went smoothly and being continued till today. Personally I felt glad and happy because it was given to me to handle (although I wanted the grand event TL) because I wanted to prove that I can do work as well. 

Oh I know, clever people can do work very well because they do A-Z and give you 100%. Smart people can overcome everything not because doing something behind your back or not following A-Z but because they know very well every single thing covering every aspect needed, and they might surprise you with 150%.

Sincerely I wanted to talk about it but 4 years had come and gone and there's no reason and unnecessary to bring it up again. Either you get the answer you want or it hurts badly later.

Of course I would like to help back again if possible, but it looks like it wouldn't go that way again. Adios.