2011: the high and the low

Well it is almost the end of 2011 so I am just gonna summarize my whole year as I could remember it. It was a pretty amazing journey though, with the ups and the downs.

As usual in January, most of the students of the local and private university/colleges start their new semester. But for this year, we were having a twist where the normal 2-semester-a-year system changed into 3-semester-a-year system. Although the idea of having a holiday for about 3-4 months is great, but there's a problem for me. I studied for two consecutive semesters (January-April and May-August) and later a semester break (September-December) but all my other friends had their break in the middle (May-August) which made me kinda being alone during my holidays now. But no worries, for the year is about to become a close chapter for me (at least) and another brand new year is about to take place, pretty soon. :)

So as I remember, on the same month, I met someone whom I thought would be my closest friend in a long run. I mean, I am kinda looking for a girl who can speak Cantonese, kinda sporting, kinda cool, etc. which I can say she is kinda different from the other girls I knew (Cantonese speakers I mean). I felt very comfortable with her all the time, at least this girl made my days (nights) most of the time. But too bad, something happen around late July/early August and she is mad at me till today (and I don't know what I did wrong) so I guess it's over now. :O

Nothing much happens in the middle the there until July, except on 7 July of course, my big day. I spent the whole day at KL. But the actual plan was to celebrate it at Sabah and I booked the plane ticket about a year ago (during promotion) and planned to spend a whole week there. Sadly due to "sudden" change of the education system, I was forced to cancel the plan since I need to be at my university for studies (instead of holiday). But luckily on 7/7 it was mid-sem break so I managed to spend a day escape to KL and play spend like nobody's business.

Besides on the same month, I returned to my alma mater for the Anthonian Night by the COMPLEC (prefect-librarian camp) and it feels kinda good too. Well, firstly because I was the one started it back in 2008 so I am proud that these juniors managed to keep it running and making it better after 4 years since. :D

Then came an engineering exhibition on August in my university where my group made it into top 30. Kinda hate it though because during judging session I got the worst judge ever and was giving us a hard time. In the end, we scored a bronze but later we were informed that they made a mistake. We supposed to win a silver. But it was like "So what?" situation by then.

Around September, my another team tried our luck in a competition called ChemeCar (where you build a car and use chemical reaction to generate enough power to move the car to certain distance while carrying a certain load) where about 30-40 teams of 4 people give it a try. They only choose 6 for the internal competition in the university and thus choose best 2 to go Sabah (UMS) for the national level. I am kinda want it badly because I studied hang out there with my gang there for about two weeks (because I studied STPM and got send here to further my studies) before UTP offered me a place later. So I do miss that place very much and I thought of taking this opportunity to go back there since UMS is hosting it next year. And well, my team managed to do well (we think) in presentation and was one of the only 6 teams left. So we are still working hard on it now and hopefully I will go back to Sabah, again.

So now let's skip ahead to November as there's nothing much and important happens again after that. I was approached in the middle of October while I was working to help in a camp in November. Although I felt a little bit left out all these while (yeah, thanks to 2007 incident but still I am proud of what I did and have no regret on it), but in the end I agreed to join and help. I mean, this is one of those camp I love very much. Besides I was seeking a little bit of personal redemption (I want to show that I am equally way better than some people, I don't want being looked down because I scored an A less in examination-I mean what A's has to do with leadership etc.) so I can proudly say, I sort of redeem myself. It always nice to be back, although I'm not so into it like in 2005 with bunch of crazy seniors and 2007-cause it's my year. :P Get to know quite number of new friends and am glad age is not a major problem, because I'm awesome and yes everyone is too. But still, thanks everyone involved and also my group for the great last memory. Yes, it is gonna be my last DYC and No, I won't return for a long time. :)

2012 will be another brand new year for me. Take a look at my schedule:
Jan12-May12 = study in UTP
June12-Dec12 = having my practical/industrial training at somewhere
Jan13-Sept13 = final year

So I can't wait what the universe has prepare for me. So goodbye 2011 and bring it on 2012. :D

3 ways to be AWESOME

There are basically three general rules or ways to be awesome where you can just follow either one of them. Do it and the next time you know, you are totally awesome.

1. Be yourself
Simple as it says, just be yourself. Be who you are, and with a little bit of confidence, you are ready to go. Don't you dare to care about what others think of you. They have no rights to tell you what is your problem (except your problem is a real big problem then maybe you should listen for once). So without question, be yourself, and don't give a damn on what others think or say about you, because you are awesome. :)

2. Be somebody else
This is kinda tricky because you need to be another person. Let's put it in this way, you think this particular icon/artist/character is cool, and you to be like them, so you become like them. So the question is, why not? Just do it(Nike). Why you bother if people say you are not being yourself by acting like somebody else? There's must be a few people in your group that will think "Man, you're cool dude" or "Way to go sista" although everybody else think you are gay/crazy/not original/idiot etc. but hey, at least you dare to do it.

3. Pick either one of those above or take both
Seriously, just choose one and stick it or pick both. How to pick both? Well, you can be yourself when you are with certain people and be somebody else when you are with another kind of people.

You might wonder if it works. Well, to make it works, you need to be confident and don't give a damn on what others think or say about you. It's your life, you decide how it goes, not them.

You wanna know who is awesome right now? Look into the mirror. ;)

Dugaan Cinta - Part 4 - Terkilan

                

Vince tiba di London pada pukul 10 malam. Dia segera mendapatkan sebuah teksi untuk pergi ke Hospital Saint James. Perasaan kehilangan seseorang yang penting dalam hidupnya tiba-tiba muncul dalam dirinya. Dia meminta pemandunya supaya memandu dengan lebih laju lagi. Pemandu tersebut menambahkan kelajuan teksinya, seperti yang diminta oleh Vince. Dalam masa 20 minit, Vince tiba di hospital tersebut. Debaran hatinya semakin kuat. Dia terus melangkah masuk ke dalam hospital tersebut, tanpa mempedulikan perasaannya.

                “Excuse me, miss. Do you know where Miss Serene from Malaysia is currently warded?” tanya Vince pada jururawat yang sedang bertugas di kaunter.

                “Hold on for a moment,” balas jururawat tersebut. Dia mengalihkan pandangannya ke sebuah computer di hadapannya. Beberapa kekunci telah ditekannya. Vince pula semakin tidak sabar untuk mendapatkan jawapannya.

                “She is undergoing an operation now. Please wait until it is over,” jawab jururawat, sopan. Jawapan ini tidak seperti yang Vince harapkan. Namun dia lega kerana Serene masih dalam pembedahan. Harapannya masih ada, walaupun tidak setinggi langit.

                “Where is the operating theatre? I would like to wait there,” tanya Vince. Cincin emas yang dibelinya awal pagi tadi digengam kuat.

                “Go straight and turn left on the second block and the operating theatre is…” belum sempat jururawat itu memberikan jawapannya, Vince terus berlari menuju ke sana.

                Ketika dia hampir sampai di luar bilik pembedahan, dia ternampak beberapa orang jururawat sedang menolak sekejur tubuh yang ditutupi kain putih dari hujung kaki hingga ke muka. Tiba-tiba perasaan sayu dan hiba datang menyelebungi tubuhnya. Dia ternampak tag nama yang tergantung pada hujung katil tersebut. Serene namanya. Dengan tangan yang berketar-ketar, dia menarik kain yang menutupi muka tubuh itu. Jururawat tersebut membenarkannya berbuat demikian lalu beredar dari sana. Air mata Vince mula bergenang. Wajah Serene yang kelihatan tenang wujud di depan mata Vince.

                “Tidak! TIDAK! SERENE!” jerit Vince. Dia terus memeluk badan Serene yang tidak bernyawa itu. Air mata terus mengalir di pipi Vince. Setelah beberapa seketika, dia melepaskan pelukannya. Dia telah mengerti bahawa Serene tidak lagi berada di dunia ini. Sebelum dia meninggalkan Serene, dia berbisik di tepi telinga Serene.

                “Saya tetap mencintaimy. Saya tidak aka melupakanmu. Kenangan kita akan menjadi pengabadian dalam hatiku,” bisik Vince. Kemudian, dia menyarungkan cincin emas itu pada jari manis Serene. Beberapa jururawat datang selepas itu dan mereka membawa mayat Serene ke bilik mayat untuk prosedur yang seterusnya. Vince berjalan beberapa langkah ke arah tingkap dan kemudian memandang ke luar. Kesedihan jelas terpapar pada wajahnya.

                “Saya tidak akan melupakanmu, Serene. Saya akan mencari kebahagiaan yang pernah kita tempuhi. Saya akan mencarimu di setiap pelosok dunia ini. Saya akan menemanimu dan membawamu ke serata dunia untuk mencari kebahagiaan yang pernah kita lalui. Saya tidak merelakan pemergianmu, Serene. Percayalah Serene, saya akan mencarimu semula, tidak kira di dunia ini atau di dunia lain,” janji Vince pada Serene. Darah mula mengalir pada tangan kirinya.

Dugaan Cinta - Part 3 -Masih Berharap

                “Dia ada barah otak. Hanya doktor pakar di Hospital Saint James, England yang mampu menjalankan pembedahan ini. Doktor di sini tak dapat buat apa-apa. Walaupun hanya ada sepuluh peratus pembedahan ini berjaya, tetapi dia berkeras ingin menjalankan pembedahan. Dia juga telah menandatangani satu perjanjian di mana jika dia gagal menempuhi dugaan ini, dia akan mendermakan semua organ badannya,” balas ayah Serene. Pada waktu yang sama, ibu Serene telah menangis. Perasaan sedihnya yang disimpan dalam hatinya dilepaskan sahaja. Suaminya cuba menenangkan hati isterinya itu.

                Vince hanya mampu berdiri di sana. Dia tidak mampu lagi untuk berkata apa-apa. Mulutnya bagai terkunci. Dia juga tidak menyangka bahawa kekasihnya itu mempunyai penyakit sebegitu. Lebih menghairankannya, Serene tidak pernah memberitahunya apa-apa tentang penyakitnya itu.

                “Pak…pak cik, sejak…sejak bila Serene mula…mula menghidapi barah…barah ini?” tanya Vince. Kata-katanya itu lemah dan bagaikan tidak bermaya.

                “Enam bulan yang lalu. Dia sayangkan awak, Vince. Oleh itu, dia rela merahsiakannya daripada melihat awak bersusah-payah melakukan apa-apa sahaja deminya,” balas ayah Serene.

                Kini Vince sedar akan kebenaran itu. Dia kini sedar mengapa Serene sering kali berulang-alik dari hospital sejak lima bulan ini. Dia berasa menyesal kerana tidak pernah menanya Serene tujuannya berbuat demikian. Dia juga sedar betapa Serene mencintainya. Dia mengeluarkan cincin emas yang baru dibelinya pagi dan melihatnya. Kemudian dia mengalihkan pandangannya ke luar. Kelihatan sebuah kapal terbang yang telah terbang jauh dari tempat dia memandang. Tanpa disedari, air mata telah membasahi pipinya.

                “Baiklah. Serene mungkin telah meninggalkan kita untuk selama-lamanya. Kita haruslah menghadapi realiti ini dan bukannya realiti yang mengawal hidup kita. Tabahkanlah dirimu, Vince. Jika Serene tidak berjaya melepasi dugaan ini maka lebih baik kamu melupakannya sahaja,” kata ayah Serene sambil menepuk bahu Vince sebelum meninggalkannya dan memimpin isterinya keluar dari lapangan terbang ini. Vince hanya mampu memandang ibu bapa Serene beredar dari lapangan terbang tersebut tanpa berkata apa-apa.

                “Oh, tidak! Serene masih belum meninggalkan saya lagi. Dia hanya berada dalam perjalanan ke England. Saya masih sempat mencari dia jika saya mengikut penerbangan yang seterusnya. Ya, inilah satu-satunya pilihan yang saya ada,” kata Vince pada dirinya. Dia segera bergerak ke kaunter dan membeli tiket penerbangan ke England yang seterusnya. Walaupun penerbangan seterusnya ke England adalah tiga jam kemudian namun dia rela menunggu. Dia tidak rela kehilangan orang yang dicintainya tanpa mendapat jawapan yang dia inginkan.

                Tiga jam berlalu dengan pantas sekali. Kini, Vince berada dalam kapal terbang yang bakal berlepas ke England. Walaupun dia sering kali menaiki kapal terbang ke banyak destinasi untuk menjalankan urus niada tetapi kali ini hatinya sungguh tidak selesa. Namun dia tidak mempedulikannya. Setelah sekian lama menunggu, kapal terbang yang dinaikinya pun berlepas ke England. Sepanjang perjalanannya, dia berdoa agar dia masih sempat untuk berjumpa dengan Serene sebelum pembedahannya. Dia juga berdoa agar Serene berjaya mengharungi pembedahan yang penuh dengan risiko ini jika dia tidak sempat mencarinya di sana.

Kesudahan yang Menyedihkan - Part 4 - Suratan Takdir

                Aku membuka kedua-dua mataku, perlahan-lahan. Seluruh badanku terasa lemah, bagaikan tiada tenaga. Aku menoleh ke arah kananku, kelihatan seorang wanita duduk tertidur sambil memegang tanganku, erat. Ya, dialah ibuku. Aku pasti, amat pasti.

                “I..I..bu..”panggilku, namun suaraku masih lemah dan tidak kuat. Ibu tersentak, terjaga daripada tidurnya lalu memandang ke arah wajahku yang masih lagi pucat. Wajahnya riang, meluru keluar dan memanggil doktor. Maafkanlah aku, ibu. Aku telah membuat awak risau tentang diriku. Tanpa disedari, aku telah terlantar di atas katil hospital hampir empat bulan lamanya. Tempoh yang amat lama. Tempoh yang menyeksa ibuku selama ini. Tetapi hari ini, aku gembira. Aku baru sahaja menamatkan kesengsaraan ibuku yang tercinta ini. Ibuku  memberitahuku, esok adalah hari jadiku, juga merupakan hari untuk semua orang mengambil slip keputusan STPM. Ingin juga aku mengambilnya sendiri, tetapi keadaan aku kini tidak mengizinkannya.

                Sepanjang hari ini, aku ditemani ibu dan adik-adikku. Aku hanya dapat mendengar cerita mereka, peristiwa yang mengambil tempat selama ini. Aku tersenyum. Syukurlah, semuanya masih belum berubah. Tiba-tiba kepalaku terasa amat sakit. Aku ingin menjerit, namun tiada kata-kata yang keluar dari mulutku. Cecair yang berwarna merah mula mengaliri kepalaku. Manusia yang menemani aku tadi menjerit ketakutan. Ibuku segera mendapatkan doktor. Entah apa yang sedang berlaku. Namun, kesakitan yang menggigit kepalaku tidak dapat aku tanggung lagi. Aku pengsan.

                Matahari sudah menjelma, aku pun bangun daripada tidur semalam. Ganjil, kali ini aku dapat bergerak bebas. Aku tersenyum riang. Tanpa membuang masa, aku meluru keluar, mendapatkan ibuku untuk memberitahu berita baik ini. Sebaik sahaja aku melangkah keluar dari pintu wad, aku dapat melihat ibu dan adikku terduduk di atas bangku, menangis. Hairan. Aku segera mendapatkan mereka, berlari meluru ke arahnya. Sebelum aku berjaya, Cikgu Ranjit bersama tiga orang pelajar yang lain mendapatkan mereka terlebih dahulu. John, Ric dan Jes rupanya. Mereka pasti datang untuk menumpang berita baik aku ini, fikirku.

                “Tahniah, puan! Win dapat keputusan yang terbaik, 10 terbaik dalam negara, 4A!” kata Cikgu Ranjit, tercungap-cungap. Aku tersenyum, usahaku selama ini telah membuahkan hasilnya dan tidak mengecewakan manusia yang meletakkan harapan masing-masing di atas bahuku. Aku mula berjalan perlahan, tidak lagi berlari. Aku berharap mereka tersedar akan kehadiranku lalu mendekapku. Tiba-tiba, sekumpulan jururawat memintas jalanku. Mereka menolak sekejur tubuh yang diliputi kain putih. Doktor datang menghampiri ibuku.

                “Maafkan kami, puan. Kami sudah buat yang terbaik namun Tuhan yang lebih menyayanginya,” kata doktor. Air mata mula berlinangan di pipi setiap manusia yang aku kenali di situ. Kain putih itu ditarik. Aku tersentak. Wajahnya seiras dengan wajahku, tiada perbezaan.

                Aku tersenyum. Kini aku mengerti. Rupanya, aku sudah tewas dalam peperangan ini. Tuhan telah memberi aku hadiah hari jadi aku semalam, untuk melihat dunia buat kali terakhir, untuk melihat wajah orang yang aku kasihi. Kini semua insan di hadapan mataku menangis dan memeluk tubuh yang tidak bernyawa itu, menjerit-jerit namaku. Hatiku sayu, pedih. Aku ingin bersuara, namun tiada orang yang mampu mendengarnya.

                Aku berjalan, beredar dari tempat tersebut. Aku sedar, aku tidak lagi dimiliki dunia ini. Aku ingin menoleh dan melihat wajah manusia yang sedang menangis kesedihan, namun aku batalkan niat ini sahaja. Berat rasa hatiku ini. Tidak sampai hati untuk aku melepaskan segala-galanya di sini. Segala yang kutempuhi selama ini. Segala yang kuusahakan selama ini. Semuanya sia-sia sahaja? Ataupun sekurang-kurangnya membuahkan sedikit hasil yang boleh mengubati rasa duka cita semua orang? Adakah kesudahan seperti ini yang patut aku lalui? Ataupun Tuhan telah membuat satu kesilapan yang besar? Tiada sesiapa pun yang mampu memberikan jawapannya.

DYC - close chapter

I was back from a camp not long ago. Well, I don't know if I am actually happy to be back there or if I am just doing it because I want to. I mean, yes, I would love to go back and help, and knowing that previous campers were being called to help in last camp making me feel a little bit left out. I mean, I'm having my holiday, I ain't working, so why no one remembers I am actually available. Although it's kinda hurt but I do understand the situation so I wouldn't mind actually.

So I was called to help in this year camp. Having arrange everything carefully, I agreed and here I am, once again.

And everything came back to me, again. Of course the most refreshing would be back in 2007 where I was the camp leader. 4 years had past and there's so many changes on the programme and stuff like that. But I can't complain much because for obvious reason, different people have different way of doing things and approach a situation. So I am still proud that everyone did their best to make this camp a success. I can see how well it went. Really guys, good job!

This time around, I was only a group mentor. I was a group mentor back in 2005, the first camp I officially become a committee. It was fun with 10 group members, with the classic way of the camp. But this year, I have 12 members, I am at least 6 or 7 years older than the oldest member in the group, less activities that require mentor to play along with the group. Can't expect the same thing from the past, can I?

And then, here I am, with my group - Mahakassapa, a group of awesomeness, both the good and the bad. Let's not talk about the bad stuff, just on the good positive stuff. :)

Well they are cute, nice and very very cooperative. I just regret I don't have a lot of time to spend with them, just a few during preparation time, outdoor tasks, and feedback. All were short while except for the outdoor tasks(a little bit longer) which really allow me to be with them more, I mean that's the job as mentor right? To know them and guide them.

In short, after the camp ended, I am kinda happy to be back actually, and be a part of it again. At least this is a correct decision since this could really mean my last involvement - I will be having my practical next year and the following year graduating so no more chance for me :).

And just for the record + personally, I still prefer if the outdoor tasks having a longer time, just like the very first one (called outdoor treasure hunt) because as memory serves, mine started after breakfast inside the PBHP and ended with them having lunch outside. Of course having 3-4 hours long session is a great challenge but if I manage to make it a big success, why can't you now? Because that was the time where the bonds were formed, sweet and laughter can be seen, the joy, the happiness and everything. I mean, that's what I saw 4 years ago, regardless of the position they ended up, they just arrived at end with a big smile and satisfied. Damn I miss those days. :-/

So to my group - Mahakassapa, Thanks for the Last Memory. Thanks to Ivy for being there. Thanks Bro Cheang for bringing me back. Thanks committee for everything. Hats off to you guys and until next time, adios.

-win sin-